You might be a bad Catholic if . . .

. . . you've ever gotten dressed up nicely on Ash Wednesday, in a flattering skirt and nice top, not because of that stuff Jesus said in the Gospel about washing your face and anointing your head, but because you knew that after a day of fasting, you'd look skinnier than usual and you wanted to take advantage of it.

(No, not this year; I know better now. But recently enough that I should have known better then.)