Tuesday, June 9, 2009

How do you get red wine stains off of a white wall?

By using poison.

Curious about what we did in the hours between 9:30 pm and 2:30 am when I was staying at my sister's?

No, I was not such an old fogey that I went to bed at 10 pm like I wanted to. (I'm 15 mos older than my sister and a full 2 mos older than my cousin, which is what I'm using to justify the fact that I look at the hours they keep and start muttering under my breath about kids these days.)

A few of my cousin's friends came over, and brought beer and wine. We sat around for several hours, talking, drinking, listening to music, watching YouTube videos. (Prepare yourselves for a-dorable animal videos in the coming days.) We really had a very nice time, and I'm glad I didn't poop out early in the evening.

By their standards, though, I may have been pooping out early when, at 1 am, I demanded to know where I was going to be sleeping so I could go to bed.

We start working out sleeping arrangements.

The friends start gathering their things to leave.

My cousin starts playing catch across the kitchen with a big inflatable bouncy ball.


Things are pleasant and funny at first, until the bouncy ball knocks an open beer bottle off the counter, and it spills all over the place. One of the friends and I start cleaning it up. They keep playing.


My sister's boyfriend observes, "That wine glass on the table is going to spill before the night's over."

[Crash! Splat! Shatter!]

Wine glass is destroyed, as are the tablecloth and placemats, and it looks like someone took the wine and threw it at the wall.

Friends peace out, we start cleaning up. Red wine, we discover, does not come off of white paint easily, even after just moments. We're wiping and scrubbing, using paper towels and a sink scrubber and Clorox Greenworks with bleach, and we're getting nowhere.

And then my cousin starts spraying with Lysol on top of the Clorox. "No! No!" we yell. "You can't mix bleach and Lysol! It's toxic! It's dangerous! That's the cardinal rule of bathroom cleaning! Our mother taught us when we were 7!"

I was the one who had my face by the wall scrubbing when she started spraying, so I was the one who soon started coughing and choking. It did feel like my nose was burning on the inside. Eventually, we started getting a little light-headed. No explosions, thank God.

Then. . .then, we noticed it had worked. Not perfectly, but the Lysol cleaner plus the Clorox cleaner had worked better than the Clorox alone. And so we decided to keep going. (That might have been the beer deciding.) We opened all the windows and the door, and would periodically go out into the hall to breathe clean air before returning to work creating toxic fumes. We got about halfway done before we gave up and went to bed.

Would I reccomend this method for your red wine stains? I suppose it really depends on whether you value your paint job or your life more highly.

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